Last night I ate a chocolate cheesecake from Tesco. It contained 500 calories. I cried before, during and afterwards. I felt the fat sticking to my insides and had an almost uncontrollable urge to run as fast and as far as possible.
I hated every second of the experience, from picking it up and taking it to the till to pay ("The other shoppers and till assistant must think I'm so fat and greedy for buying this.) to sitting at the table, psyching myself up to eat it (Idon't NEED to eat this, it's a pointless exercise which will only make me FAT"), actually eating it ("How many calories in that spoonful? 30?, 40?, 50?) And then putting the empty package in the bin ("Can't believe I ate that, I'm so disgusting, God go and exercise QUICKLY!).
So why do it? Why did I put myself through that? You could argue that I was right when I said I didn't NEED that pudding.
The point was that the cheesecake scared me, and the best way to stop being scared of something? To do it. And you know what? I'm not suddenly fat today, I actually feel ok about myself. No, I'd go so far as to say I feel GOOD today.
After all, why would I let a cheesecake control my emotions? That would be Ana speaking, not me.
well it's certainly an interesting technique!
ReplyDeleteglad you survived the cheesecake :) are we talking about an entire cake or a portion?
i'm glad you feel good... you are one strong lady. x
An individual sized cake. I would have had a complete breakdown if I'd tried to eat a full sized one lol!
ReplyDeleteok that makes much more sense!
ReplyDeletegood for you :) cheesecake is amazing :)
xxx
Good for you standing up to the bad feelings. It is only when you actually by a whole massive cheesecake to eat that people look at you and think you're greedy (i.e. what I have done in the past!). But that is probably because I denied myself even a small portion for so long, so learning to eat normal portions of cheesecake now will prtect you from the GIGANTIC CHEESECAKE DISASTER ;) xxx
ReplyDelete