eight months into my recovery, a surprisingly comfortable two stone gain and three regular meals a day.
Yet, "Ana" is still there. Take this morning at breakfast:
"Good God, are you ACTAULLY going to eat TWO weetabix AND milk?"
Why, yes I am, and I will enjoy it, thank you.
"You FAT COW, Lose a weetabix and have it with water instead."
And why would I want to do that?
"Erm... so you don't become MASSIVELY OBESE!"
Hmm, I could do that, it wouldn't hurt, would it?
"To be honest, you really need to lose a few pounds, have you seen your hips lately?"
WOAH! My hips are fine, they're average hips, SHUT UP!
I could continue in this vain for some time if I allow it, but the point of recovery is learning firstly to ignore that negative . How do I do it?
Well, it's really not easy, but it gets easier. Constant positive thoughts:
One more weetabix won't make a difference to my weight
If I skip a weetabix, I give the illness a chance to grab me again
I'm fine as I am now, I have curves, not fat, curves.
I am a healthy weight
I need to eat so I can get married next year and have children.
That last one normally does it, lol.
Try it today, when you hear the negative thoughts, replace them with something positive. Go on, I dare you!
That's great really! I wish I could recover but I don't think I am able to right now. I've been ana as long as I can remember and honestly wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't. I hope that makes sense. I really enjoy reading your posts!
ReplyDelete